I need an orange glazed donut!

When all else fails, think logically! I just do not understand why I didn`t think of it before. Being a reasonably straight thinking individual who rarely drinks and never do drugs it baffles me beyond reason why I failed to see the obvious: All I need to do to have  my bicycle purchase green-lighted by the boss is to find a place locally that sells orange glazed donuts!

“Duuuh” you might say. “That solution is so obvious that you must have tried it.” But, nooo, not me. My wife`s culinary preferences did not enter my mind as a possible answer at all. I played the health card, I played the “other guys go out and drink and beat their wives, I just wanna buy a friggin bike” card, and i played the “look at how much money this Lance fellow rakes in” card. “If I make half that amount, you can quit your job!” I totally failed to see the joker in the deck. “I`ll get you an orange glazed donut if you let me buy the bike”.

Now, I need to locate a place that sells these delicious little pieces of heaven on earth. Personally I don`t necessarily agree with that, but I`m NOT in a position to argue this apparently world known fact. We live and work in Las Vegas, the entertainment capital of the world. Surely a city which offers the world`s biggest gift shop, the worlds biggest selection and diversity (!) of Elvis impersonators, strip clubs next to your favorite burger joints and so much more, must have donuts in more flavors than I could possible think of. It does! Finding an orange glazed one, preferably several, might be a little trickier than I thought though. My wife has after all been looking for it for years, literally!

I arrive work today a little earlier than normal with one thing on my confused  (logical thinking tends to do that to me) yet focused mind. I need an orange glazed donut! I prepare for hours, maybe days of searching through the yellow pages, making phone calls and wandering the streets. I try the web first. Obviously it can`t be that easy, but I might as well start simple, warm up. How can I do this at all after my donut hungry better half has been trying for years?!

I open my favorite search engine and type in the following: “orange glazed donut Las Vegas”. Try the same thing and you`ll see the same as I saw. Nothing…? Nope, not even close. The very first listing on the page is a review of a local, not chain, store that has the goods! You gotta be kidding me! It has to be an old website, from the mob days or something. I give them a call. “Hi there, any chance you have..” I start shaking a little and can feel every muscle in my body is tensing up “orange glazed donuts?” “Oh, you mean the cake”, the lady replies. I knew it, I just knew it. Of course there had to be a catch. Orange glazed donuts located by searching online. Yeah, right. ” No, just regular donuts” I replied with all hope gone from my spirit and I`m sure, my voice. “Oh yeah we have…” I could hear her counting. Counting! She had more than one!! “…seven” she said. I jumped in the car, raced through the streets of San Francisco, even I was in Vegas, and catching my breath flung the store door (who said I couldn`t rhyme) wide open. “cash only” the sign said. Out again, back into the car. In nascar speed I attached the ATM, I`m not sure if I even stopped, but I ended up with twenty lovely dollars in my hands and minutes later two gorgeous, sexy, orange glazed donuts.

I`m not sure if the donuts ever were difficult to find or if my wife has a weird sense of humor. In any case, my bike will very soon be MY bike indeed!

Don`t change the channel

THE Bionic Cyclist.